Fat Tuesday

Every Tuesday, I am going to blog about my weight loss progress...I'm calling it Fat Tuesday! Since having Grayson in December, I have lost nothing other than the actual baby weight (i.e. baby, fluids, etc. etc.). To be honest, I haven't really tried very hard. I keep going on little binge diets where I lose 5-10 lbs. and then I go off and instantly those 5-10 lbs. are back. I have not been exercising frequently enough at all, either. So, I vowed, this week, to start exercising daily, and watching what I eat. Pound by pound it WILL fall off...it may take a few months, it may take a year...either way, it will come off. I also decided to post my weight AND a picture of myself. If you know me, you KNOW that is a HUGE step for me. But, I decided that I am going to stop pretending and lying about my weight! The truth will set me free...right!!!

So far, this week, the diet part has been hard, though, I have been more aware of what and how much I was eating. Monday and Tuesday were both really good workout days. Tomorrow I plan on going running with FIT (a workout ministry at my church). Next Tuesday, I will have a better update for you since I REALLY just started this on Monday. For now, I will focus on staying with it and we'll see, next Tuesday, how much weight I will have (hopefully) lost in a week!

My current weight is 200 lbs....YIKES!

Next Tuesday I plan to be 197

My weight loss goal is 50lbs, making my goal weight 150 lbs.

Week 1 (May 10, 2011)

YIKES!!!

My Mother's Day

Since Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest, and Mother's Day is the one day I don't have to do ANYTHING, I decided not to post yesterday. So, that is why today, I am going talk about MY Mother's Day!! The girls were so cute. They were super excited about it being Mother's Day. The day started with Regan bringing down the gift she made me in school. It was adorable. A little paper flower pot that said "I Love You" with a popsicle stick coming out the top and a package of flower seeds. She was so proud to give it to me and I was so thankful to get it. She also drew me some pictures. Jordan drew me some pictures and told me Happy Mother's Day about 57 times throughout the day. I could tell that they were really trying hard to be super good and they were pretty successful in that. I love that they understood the day and made such a huge effort to make it special for me. Matt gave me a 30 minute foot rub...AMAZING!....and took care of everything while I napped and vegged out all day. The day was great! I am so blessed to have such an awesome family.

The Fairy God Monster

The other day, Jordan and I thought it would be a good idea to walk to the commissary from my house (keep in mind it is only a mile and a half away). Well, it turned out to not be such a good idea, after all. The whole way there, she cried and fussed about her legs being tired. She ended up wanting to push her bike rather than ride it most of the way. So what should have been about a 20 minute walk one way, turned into a 45 minute walk one way. On the way back, the chain on Jordan's bike came off. The rain clouds were forming in the sky, and I was frazzled! All I wanted to do was get home! I contemplated leaving her bike there and coming back to get it with the car later, but she did not like that idea. So, being desperate to beat the rain, I picked her bike up and began carrying it while she ran along beside me. Here is the picture....I am pushing a stroller with one hand, carrying a bike with the other and my 4 year old is bawling crying, literally running to keep up. It was a disaster! Cars zoomed past, people probably laughing at us from within. Then our fairy god monster arrived! Literally! A Monster Energy Drink semi pulled over on the side of the road, out jumped a Monster delivery man to our rescue. He fixed Jordan's bike for me in less than 2 minutes. I was so thankful...I still am! What a good Samaritan. He didn't have to stop...he was in rout on deliveries. But he DID stop. He stopped, and helped, and I am so grateful. I decided that I was a true Monster fan from now on. He was our fairy god monster! So....if you are at the store looking for an energy drink, pick up a Monster!!!

Redeeming Love

Today is the one year anniversary of the day I found out that I was pregnant with Grayson. What a life change that brought about! It's awesome to look back and remember where I was just one year ago.

One year ago, today, I was in a very dark place. My husband and I were going through a separation (but still living together). I was two weeks away from packing up and moving to California. I wasn't talking to God anymore...and I just felt lost. I was feeling sick on this particular day, so I decided to take myself into the doctor's office for a check up. Of course, they did a routine pregnancy test, which I thought was so stupid. I just KNEW I was NOT pregnant! As I sat there waiting for her to return, the clock ticked loudly. She came in, looked at me and said, "Mam, you are pregnant."
Instantly, the blood left my head and went straight to my feet. Pregnant?
I asked her if she was joking, and she just looked at me like I was stupid or something. In that 2 minutes, my mind raced.
What was I going to do?
 How on Earth was I going to leave now?
I think that the doctor could tell that I was unhappy because she looked at me and said, "You know, there ARE options, like abortion..."
Never in my wildest dreams would I ever think I could consider an abortion...especially after having my girls...but in that time of desperation the horrible thought crossed my mind.
The rest of that afternoon is all kind of a blur to me. I made an appointment with planned parenthood...I felt so sick. I didn't want to even be considering the worst, but I was, and it made me sick.
The next morning, I woke up still feeling sick and very confused. I had not told Matt yet, but I felt an awful tugging that I needed to.
That was when I heard God's voice. It is hard to explain what you feel when that happens....I mean it's not like an audible voice that you hear with your ears, you hear it deep inside your heart. Some people would call that a gut feeling....I call it God's voice. All He said was, "DON'T YOU DARE!" I tried pushing it away. But I heard it again, "DON'T YOU DARE!" It scared me. I like to call it the fear of God....it was definitely frightening. All I know is God was telling me that if I get an abortion, something bad was gonna happen. At about that time, Matt walked in, and I lost it. Tears just fell and I cried for a few minutes. Of course he had no idea what was going on, so he was a little freaked out. Then I told him..."I'm Pregnant!" He sat next to me, we both sat in silence.
"What are you gonna do?" He asked.
"I can't leave you now, I guess we are gonna have a baby", I said.
Silence.

That was one year ago. Life changing! I hit my knees that day and asked God for a miracle. My marriage seemed done at the time, but I have to say, it has NEVER been better. God put this little baby into our lives as a lesson to us both. God brought us both to our knees during that time and through the little life of our baby boy, He taught us how to love each other again.
I love Matt Helton more today than I EVER did before. I feel like I am a better mom today, as well, and I look at my baby boy and thank God everyday that I have him. The very best thing that came out of the whole thing was that I have a deeper relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ today. I know, now, that through HIM, nothing is impossible.

Isn't it neat that one little baby, in his short little life, has already served one of God's many purposes for him?
I can't wait until he is old enough to hear this story. God sent him here for a reason, and what a BLESSING he has been already.

I will remember this day for the rest of my life. It is the day of redemption for me and for Matt.

Let Me Explain....

So, I never intended for the last blog to make anyone from home feel like I don't love or care about them. If it did...I am deeply sorry. The point was to share how I have come to realize that I can move forward and set roots in many places. That home to me is wherever God wants us to be. Th point was to share with others that moving forward is okay and not devastating. I have deep roots in South Carolina. I grew up with the same girls and we have stayed friends for years and years. My husband is the same way....except he grew up with boys (lol). I love those girls, and the memories we share are priceless. That being said, I AM excited about the freedom I have recently found to move forward with my life and set roots in other places and make more meaningful friendships. That is all. So, if I made you feel pushed out (you know who you are), then I am sorry. In a perfect world, I would have a private jet and I would fly to see you all once a week. Magen...I am sorry that I am missing your BIG DAY. You will make the MOST beautiful bride and I promise that I will pray for you that morning, and I will think of you all day.

Home Sweet Home

When we left our hometown three years ago, I was devastated...especially because I just knew I was gonna hate this place. I didn't know how I was going to live without my friends and family. Years one and two passed and I chose to stay miserable, closing myself off to everyone, and not really wanting to make new friends or set any roots in this new place. I guess, when we left "home", I essentially thought that my life was over. For some reason, I believed that I already had all of the friends I needed...besides...what was the point of making new friends when your just gonna have to say goodbye to them eventually? All I could think about was the next time I was gonna get to go "home". I really made myself (and my husband) miserable.

Then, this past year, it all changed. I became close to a few people in my MOPS group and my guard against new friends slowly began to lower. I realized that these people were just like me. We shared a lot in common...being moms, and military wives were two huge similarities between us. Although, I still yearned to go "home", I didn't really hate this place so much anymore. Then, in March, I went "back home" for a 3 week visit. At first it was great...I really enjoyed seeing all of my friends and family. But, after a week, I was done. I wanted to leave...I missed my home here.  That's when I discovered, for the first time, that "back home" just wasn't MY home anymore. In fact, it wasn't even a place I got super excited to visit anymore.  I realized, while I was there, that just because I left there, things didn't stop changing....people didn't stop changing. Everything and everyone seemed so different this time. I felt a little depressed, at first, after realizing that I didn't have a place back home anymore....but then it hit me and I realized that I too had changed, and that no matter where we lived, home was where my husband and my three children resided. Like they say..."Home is where the Army sends us"...and it is true. Call it a growing moment if you must.  I feel so free now. Free to make friends, build deep relationships, and set my roots. I have such a long life ahead of me...and I know now that life definitely DID NOT end 3 years ago...in fact, it just began!!!!

Bye Bye Facebook.....For Now

Starting at 5:00 this afternoon, I will be taking a sabbatical from facebook for the summer. I have a few personal reasons, but the main one is that I just spend so much time checking up on other people, that I feel like I am letting this precious time of raising little ones pass by. I was looking at old pictures from when we first moved here to FLW, and I realized how much my girls have grown since then. Regan was just 3 and Jordan was 18 months. I was shocked at how fast the time has gone by, and it made me reflect on the past 3 years. I realized that I have not done enough to soak up every minute of this time in their lives. Part of that is because of facebook. I spend way too much time on here mesmerized by what everyone in the world is doing. It is almost like an addiction...a trance of sorts. I am hoping that this 3 month break will make me less enthralled with this social network and more plugged into the three most important little people in my life!  I do love the connection I get with my close friends and family, so that is why I am going to continue my blog. Please pardon the way it looks right now as it is under cosmetic construction....but, I do hope that the people who are interested in what we are doing will take a minute and read my posts each day. I promise to post pictures as often as I can. I plan on doing something fun each day this summer with the kids. So, I am sure I will have lots to write about and even more pictures to post. Follow the blog by typing in your email address at the top of my site...that way, you will get notified every time I post something new. Also, I plan to share all of my posts on facebook, because I can do that by clicking share and I never even have to log in. I do hope everyone enjoys their summer as much as I will. See you in August!!!! :)