Redeeming Love

Today is the one year anniversary of the day I found out that I was pregnant with Grayson. What a life change that brought about! It's awesome to look back and remember where I was just one year ago.

One year ago, today, I was in a very dark place. My husband and I were going through a separation (but still living together). I was two weeks away from packing up and moving to California. I wasn't talking to God anymore...and I just felt lost. I was feeling sick on this particular day, so I decided to take myself into the doctor's office for a check up. Of course, they did a routine pregnancy test, which I thought was so stupid. I just KNEW I was NOT pregnant! As I sat there waiting for her to return, the clock ticked loudly. She came in, looked at me and said, "Mam, you are pregnant."
Instantly, the blood left my head and went straight to my feet. Pregnant?
I asked her if she was joking, and she just looked at me like I was stupid or something. In that 2 minutes, my mind raced.
What was I going to do?
 How on Earth was I going to leave now?
I think that the doctor could tell that I was unhappy because she looked at me and said, "You know, there ARE options, like abortion..."
Never in my wildest dreams would I ever think I could consider an abortion...especially after having my girls...but in that time of desperation the horrible thought crossed my mind.
The rest of that afternoon is all kind of a blur to me. I made an appointment with planned parenthood...I felt so sick. I didn't want to even be considering the worst, but I was, and it made me sick.
The next morning, I woke up still feeling sick and very confused. I had not told Matt yet, but I felt an awful tugging that I needed to.
That was when I heard God's voice. It is hard to explain what you feel when that happens....I mean it's not like an audible voice that you hear with your ears, you hear it deep inside your heart. Some people would call that a gut feeling....I call it God's voice. All He said was, "DON'T YOU DARE!" I tried pushing it away. But I heard it again, "DON'T YOU DARE!" It scared me. I like to call it the fear of God....it was definitely frightening. All I know is God was telling me that if I get an abortion, something bad was gonna happen. At about that time, Matt walked in, and I lost it. Tears just fell and I cried for a few minutes. Of course he had no idea what was going on, so he was a little freaked out. Then I told him..."I'm Pregnant!" He sat next to me, we both sat in silence.
"What are you gonna do?" He asked.
"I can't leave you now, I guess we are gonna have a baby", I said.
Silence.

That was one year ago. Life changing! I hit my knees that day and asked God for a miracle. My marriage seemed done at the time, but I have to say, it has NEVER been better. God put this little baby into our lives as a lesson to us both. God brought us both to our knees during that time and through the little life of our baby boy, He taught us how to love each other again.
I love Matt Helton more today than I EVER did before. I feel like I am a better mom today, as well, and I look at my baby boy and thank God everyday that I have him. The very best thing that came out of the whole thing was that I have a deeper relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ today. I know, now, that through HIM, nothing is impossible.

Isn't it neat that one little baby, in his short little life, has already served one of God's many purposes for him?
I can't wait until he is old enough to hear this story. God sent him here for a reason, and what a BLESSING he has been already.

I will remember this day for the rest of my life. It is the day of redemption for me and for Matt.